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  If I don’t get out of here soon I’ll regret not having gotten down to the water to clean up. Between being wet at nightfall and the creepy crawlies on the bank, it can be a problem.

  I check again for anyone nearby. I crawl my way down to the water through the thick vegetation. Cupping water in my hand to wash the dirt from my arms, I rub and rub until the black dirt shows signs of thinning.

  A stick breaks behind me and I freeze. I don’t dare move or turn around. Everything goes dark.

  Chapter Six

  Sullied Angel

  Eli

  Carl and Harry have gone to follow up on a lead over in Orlando. Harry’s looking pretty rough, so I wasn’t comfortable with him going to Orlando alone. I feel better knowing that Carl is driving.

  This map is fucking useless. It's an exercise designed to make us feel like we're doing something, but we're just fooling ourselves. We haven't the first clue where she could be. There are a few different versions and none of them mean anything. We don’t know where the perp has taken her, but having this map here is like a comfort for Harry, it helps us all feel like we are contributing something. There's a commotion coming from the back bedroom.

  McNab rounds the corner and stops short when he sees me. Trish is following so close behind him she bumps into him. “Fuckin’-A, McNab.” She’s panicked. “What was that call?”

  “Eli.” McNab’s choked up and looks scared as hell. He can't look me in the eye.

  “What is it?” My entire being is bracing itself for the worst. Standing from the stool, I absently put the highlighter on the island.

  “We need to go.” His voice is quiet and he looks like he just swallowed an ocean of sorrow. “I’ll drive.”

  “Okay, let me get—” He cuts me off while walking across the room.

  “No, we need to go now.” McNab doesn't look at me, intently focused on the door.

  Bewildered, I follow him. “Did they find her?” If they did, why didn’t they call me?

  “What’s happening? What about me? I’m supposed to just stay here?” Trish’s voice is layered with fear chasing after us.

  “Yes,” McNab answers simply. “Miranda will be here soon, keep her here.”

  We get into McNab’s rental and he’s already got the car in motion before I can close the door. “Jesus, where’s the fire?” The tires squeal as he pulls out onto the street. He takes the corners sharp but with precision.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” I demand.

  “They may have found her,” he says simply in an even tone.

  “What do you mean by ‘may have’?”

  He doesn’t answer; he just looks straight ahead, driving with purpose. He’s heading north and turns onto Sarno Road. “Where is she?” My tone is harsh when I ask this time.

  “The Sarno Extension.”

  A spike of pain cuts through my soul, there’s nothing out there. Only the St. John’s River, swamp and more swamp. “Oh God.” The whisper carries the anguish in my heart out with it.

  McNab doesn’t respond at all. He just keeps driving and looking straight ahead. The road turns to dirt and fear courses through me when the wheels protest against the silt. McNab doesn’t slow down; he maintains his speed and drives as far as the road will allow. He brings the car to a stop and gets out.

  Getting out of the car, I ask, “Did they say where she is?”

  He doesn’t turn around or answer. He’s looking at his phone and just disappears into the thicket of palm fronds. I chase after him, barely able to keep up. It’s as though he evaporated into thin air when he walked through the veil of vines and flowers.

  I run through the swamp trying to catch him. He's moving too fast, and I only steal glimpses of his black t-shirt through the vegetation. He comes to a stop in a clearing at the bank of the river.

  There’s two men in an airboat just off shore. I look to McNab. His face is drained of all color, except for his eyes, which are ringed with a heavy red outline. He's looking down the river bank with an absolute desolation in his gaze. In that split second I'm filled with the deepest dread I've ever felt, a dread that I know will live in my bones forever.

  I follow his eyes down the river bank to Shay. She’s washed up on the shore, with her legs floating in the water.

  Momentarily frozen and muted by my thought process that doesn't want to continue, my mind can't reconcile what I'm seeing. She is absolutely still, no movement, no sound. There’s only the sound of McNab and I breathing and the water gently lapping the shore. I scramble down the bank and bend down, afraid to touch her. Her skin is a ghostly alabaster and though she’s dirty and bruised she still has the face of an angel.

  “Eli.” McNab whispers as though he’s trying not to disturb her slumber. “You shouldn’t…”

  I look up at him and shake my head to keep him from speaking. Tenderly, I lift her into my arms, and hold her cold, lifeless body close to mine. I just want to feel near her, see her beautiful face that's now just a blur through my tears. All I can think of is getting her away from here.

  McNab comes down the bank. “Eli, this is a crime scene.”

  The feel of hot tears streaming down my cheeks burns like battery acid with the realization. “Fuck the crime scene. I’m not leaving her down here.” I spit the words out low and fill them with hatred as though this were his fault. My hard gaze bores into McNab’s eyes. “I can’t leave her there like that.”

  “She’s not in there, Eli.” He presses his hand on my back as an act of consolation.

  I shake his arm off me. “I’m not asking for your help or permission. I’m taking her away from here.” Getting up the soft muddy bank is difficult while carrying her. McNab helps me, his expression stoic yet broken by sadness.

  Understanding fills his eyes. “Go.” He says it simply. I walk away from him, holding her cold body in my arms. I don’t know where I’m taking her, but I can’t leave her here for one more second. Instinctively I pull her in closer to me, just to feel her against me.

  The desperation I feel spawns a physical pain that drives me to my knees. My grip on her never falters when I crash to the ground. I press my lips hard against her forehead while violent sobs bring waves of tears falling from my eyes to her cheeks. I can no longer suppress the wailing that builds from the center of my being and is released in the form of howls, the pain of which can hardly be perceived for their strength.

  I know at this moment this is the last real thing I will ever feel. I never want to feel again so that I can remember the last moment I loved her. The last time I felt her skin and looked upon her beautiful face. This pain will forever be frozen in time until the day I take my last breath.

  I pull her in closer, squeezing, wishing that I could have found her sooner. A million doubts fly through my mind of what I could have done different. McNab stands vigil behind me.

  Exhilaration shoots through my body when she lifts her arms up, circling my neck. She curls closer into my chest and lets out a soft sigh. “McNab!” I yell, getting to my feet. I call out to him again.

  He sees that she’s put her arms around my neck. His whole face brightens at the sight. He runs ahead of me. “I got it, you just bring her back to the car.”

  When I reach the road there’s an ambulance already there. McNab must have called them. The paramedics come to meet me. They want to take her from me, but I’m not letting her go, not ever again.

  “I’ve got her.” I tighten my grip on her. They lead me to the ambulance where there’s a stretcher waiting. Carefully I put her down and they immediately start working on her. I climb into the back with her.

  “Eli, is she okay?” McNab asks, trying to see me past the two paramedics in the back.

  “I don’t know, but she’s alive and that has to count for something.” I want to kiss her hand, but they are working on her and I can’t get close enough. I want to stay close to her, I need to be touching her, but I can’t. “Meet us at the hospital.”

  Chapter Seven
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  Father of the Died

  Harry

  Carl and I get to the hospital as fast as we can. I’ll hand it to him, he can drive. We may have broken the sound barrier coming across state road five twenty. He drops me off at the emergency room entrance and I push past the hordes of press blocking the way. At the front desk my tone is impatient. “Shayleigh Baynes?”

  “Are you related to the patient?” the woman at the desk asks. I look at her name tag while she slowly punches something into the computer.

  “Yes, Eunice, I’m her father, Harry Baynes. I really need to get back there to see her.” I use a commanding voice.

  “Okay sir, I’ll buzz you back.” She reaches under the desk and the door clicks open. “She’s in number three.”

  I rush through the doors and find her room, Carl isn’t far behind. Eli is sitting vigil at her side, holding her hand. McNab is on the other side of the bed. Shay’s eyes are closed and she's hooked up to so many tubes and wires. She looks like death, she's battered and bruised. I watch her chest to be sure she's breathing, she doesn't look alive. I have to fight to keep it together. “Eli.” I say it low so as not to wake her.

  His head springs up at the sound of my voice. “Harry.”

  “How is she?” I ask cautiously.

  He shrugs, lacking confidence. “She's alive. We’re waiting for them to transfer her upstairs.” He doesn’t move from her side.

  It's so hard to look at my little girl lying there, helpless, broken. “Has she said anything?”

  “No, they had to sedate her in the ambulance when they were trying to strap her to the gurney, she wouldn’t have any part of it. She's been out ever since,” he says, recalling the memory. “She's got a nasty blow to the head, she's dehydrated and she's lost a lot of blood. Doctor says it's touch and go for right now.” He inhales a breath that doesn't provide any relief. “They still have tests they need to run, and they want to do an MRI.”

  “Carl, are you getting any impressions?” McNab stands from his chair.

  “No, she’s out. No dreams or thoughts that I can read,” he answers simply. Ordinarily I wouldn’t like the invasion, but if we can find out what happened to her, it will be better for her.

  “Keep trying,” McNab orders.

  “Did they say how long she’d be out?” The amount of cuts and bruises all over her arms are gruesome. Bile rises to the back of my throat with anger. I want to find the son of a bitch who did this to her.

  “It's touch and go, they really aren't sure.” Eli never looks up from her.

  “But the doctor said there's a chance she’s okay?” I trip over my words trying to ask the right questions.

  “She's a fighter.” McNab answers for Eli.

  “Have they checked…” I can’t bring myself to say the words. I look away and then up toward the heavens, hoping to find the strength there to ask the question I want answered. My eyes travel along the length of her body.

  Carl takes over and asks what I just can’t bring myself to. “Do they know if she’s been sexually assaulted?”

  The color drains from Eli’s face and now he's concerned about the same thing. “They haven’t checked, but I’m assuming she’ll be able to tell us when she wakes up.”

  His words provide no comfort. “Well, either way, we are going to have to be very careful with her. She’s been through a lot and we don’t know how this trauma is going to affect her.”

  “I know, I really do know. She’s going to need counseling.” Eli answers, giving her hand a squeeze. “I’ll be here for her, Harry.”

  Two nurses enter the room. “Her room is ready. We’re going to take her upstairs.”

  Eli doesn’t budge from her side. “Sir, we need to get in there.”

  Reluctantly Eli steps aside, gently placing her hand beside her. They transfer Shay to the bed from the gurney, and one of the nurses asks, “Who is next of kin?”

  I raise my hand. “I’m her father.”

  “Okay. We are taking her to the fifth floor, room five twenty-seven.” They are wheeling her out as she gives me the information.

  Eli follows close behind. “I’ll see you up there.”

  For the first time I feel relief in this whole situation just knowing she’s alive. Even though we have no idea what we are going to be left with, how much damage this bastard did could take years to discover. I just pray that she isn’t going to be too stubborn to get help. My greatest fear is that she's going to just give up and slip away.

  Chapter Eight

  Return to Ashes

  Eli

  Trish and I are sitting in the car outside the funeral home just staring at the front door. We’ve been sitting here for a solid twenty minutes in silence. I've sat here with Shay, holding her hand, preparing her for what she was about to face through those doors. Elise, Katherine, and Oliver's funerals were all held here.

  Trish and I can't believe we are here again, neither of us can face what we are about to do. I turn to her and see her eyes are already spilling over with tears. “I know you’ll never be ready for this, neither will I, but we need to go in and get it done.”

  She wipes the moisture from her cheeks and nods without looking at me. We get out of the car and head for the front door, pausing before either of us reach to open it. “You know you don’t have to go through with this, I’ll be fine.”

  Trish looks up at me with watery eyes. “No, she would want me here with you, and if you’re going in, so am I.”

  When we walk in the door I’m immediately slapped in the face with the smell of death, formaldehyde and fresh flowers that are supposed to mask the smell of sadness that hangs in the air. We’re greeted by Joy. She’s a nice, middle-aged woman wearing a sympathetic smile.

  “Mr. Walker, Miss Snyder, are you ready?” she says, motioning us toward the back.

  Don’t think the irony of her name isn’t lost on me. Shay and her nervous funeral humor nearly got her in trouble when Elise died and we met Joy the first time. Harry was not amused. We follow Joy through a set of double doors.

  “You’ll have a chance to view her and say your final words, then you’ll be escorted to the viewing room,” she says in a calm soothing tone.

  I look down at Trish and notice she’s completely galvanized, staying strong for me. I say nothing in response to Joy, I can’t.

  I nod.

  As we enter the viewing room I see Shay on the table covered to the neck with a white sheet. Her face is pale but still holds the makeup from the funeral service. My entire body wants to give up, to collapse right here, seeing her lifeless face with nary a smirk to tell me that it’s all a big joke. Trish approaches her first and I join her on the other side of Shay.

  “You’re a fucking dumbass, you know that?” Trish belts out, and I can hear the lump in her throat choking her. I know this is how Trish is dealing with it. She wants to say more, but she’s overcome with emotion and is unable to speak.

  I take in Shay’s beautiful face. I run my finger along her cheek. It’s cold. There’s no response from her, her skin doesn’t react and her eyes do not open as I’ve hoped they would a thousand times since I found her in the river. Tears are free falling down my face and I force the words out, quiet yet broken. “I love you.”

  Joy approaches us. “Are you ready?”

  Trish and I both nod in agreement and she leads us into the viewing room. She hands me a small bag that contains a set of pearl earrings and the engagement ring I gave her that she had on during the funeral.

  “You don’t have to stay for this if you don’t want to. She would understand.” Joy’s even tone is starting to take a calming effect, but I know I have to do this. I have to see this through for her.

  “I’m staying,” I say simply. “But if you want to wait in the car you can.” I speak directly to Trish.

  “No, I’m okay.”

  Joy leaves the room and prepares Shay to go into the crematory. Trish and I stand watching through the glass as Shay is slowly s
lid into the opening, being sent into the fire, and with each passing inch she’s pushed in I want to go and stop them, shake her and wake her up. This can’t be happening, she can’t be gone forever.

  But I know she is. Shay disappears further into the fire, and I feel my soul collapsing and being reduced to embers with her. Her body is being turned to ash and so is my soul being reduced to nothing. My heart is breaking all over again and nothing but pain and darkness overtake me as they close the door on the crematory.

  Trish intertwines her fingers in mine and squeezes tight. “You know she loved you, and she always would have.”

  “I know, I love her too and always will,” I say with full resolve. I know our love was real, I know because now I feel like I am nothing but a husk of a man without her.

  I will walk through the rest of my days alone, in darkness in the shadow of her death.

  ***

  “Eli.” McNab’s voice wakes me from a restless sleep.

  I’m groggy and try to sit up, but McNab motions for me to still. “The nurse is here to check on her.”

  I run my fingers through my hair to try to shake off the heavy feeling of despair I’m left with after that nightmare. It was so surreal, so disturbing on a cellular level. I look over at her lying in the bed. “Thanks man.” I stand up and straighten my shirt.

  “Bad dream?” McNab asks in a whisper.

  “The worst.”

  “It’s okay, she’s here, she’s alive and she’s going to make it. She’s strong, strong and stubborn. Too stubborn to give up,” he says, marveling at her sleeping in the bed.

  I’m compelled to be closer to her, to feel and smell her. When the nurse leaves I climb into the bed with Shay, enveloping her in my arms, and hold her like I’ll never let her go. I’ve seen a future without her, and it’s a dismal existence I never want to consider ever again.

  Chapter Nine

  Frightful Slumber

  Shay

  A soft glow permeates the entire room to the point of almost feeling like I’m amongst the clouds. My eyes refuse to focus, but it’s okay. I’m comfortable and warm and being held tight by strong arms. I nuzzle deeper into his chest and bask in the safety and try to shake off the bad dream.